Reid’s Palace – WandyrBear

Madeira, Portugal

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I wasn’t having a great stay at Belmond’s Reid Palace, but it was around the time they tried to poison my wife that I began to really sour on the experience. I’ll get there in a moment. Check-in set the tone of the experience. We booked through Fine Hotels and Resorts and asked about an upgrade – which is in the program terms. I was told, “It was impossible.” I asked some other questions about the resort and was brushed off on every single one, being told that a colleague would answer these questions later. The colleague who took us to our rooms was much nicer, but had only been on the job a few weeks and wasn’t able to be very helpful. As a result, my questions went unanswered, and I was still discovering things about the resort days into my stay. This set the tone of the experience, which was “Welcome to Reid’s Palace [First Name, Last Name]. We hope you enjoy your stay. Don’t bother us.”

Pool Service

This carried through to service at the pool, which started very good as breakfast was served alongside this area. However, throughout the day, staff seemed to migrate to other places to the point where the area seemed abandoned at times. It took us 45 minutes to flag down a server just to get him to take an order and never return. Other staff seemed more interested in closing up the loungers many hours before the pool was supposed to close than helping guests. When we sought them out, we were able to get a towel with a frown. I saw other people getting much better service here at earlier hours, but we did not. Another note on the pools – we were told that they were four pools on the property without elaboration. It sounds great, but I believe they meant one kids’ pool (that whole area wasn’t in operation), a saltwater pool (which was drained when we went to use it), and two pretty but cold pools by the breakfast area. They got very little use during our stay. The hotel would benefit from an indoor pool for colder days or inclement weather.

When we attended their famed tea service, the staff offered to wrap up our pastries to go. We waited around to receive them and were told with a smile that we didn’t need to wait because they would be brought to our room. Nothing was ever delivered, so we went hungry.

Always an Upsell

After staying in the room one night, we realized we were having problems with it. The desk in the room was a make-up vanity and too small and uncomfortable to work properly. The shower didn’t work properly and was unable to provide hot water consistently. Having been dismissed the previous night, we again asked about changing rooms, preferably an upgrade to something that would work better for us. The hotel was sold out of the next category of rooms that were included in our rate but had many rooms available in the next category. Instead of being helpful, they tried an expensive upsell. I do not doubt that they adhered to the rules and regulations of the rate plan properly, but it’s the kind of treatment I’d expect at an airline, not a luxury hotel. We would have been happy if we were moved to another equal room with a working shower, but they didn’t even try. It was yet another “deal with it” situation.

Death by Amuse Bouche

This brings me to the poisoning. The hotel asked at check-in if we had any food allergies. We told them, and they entered it into the system. When we made a reservation at the restaurant, they asked again and confirmed our allergies. When we sat down to dinner, the server asked a third time and confirmed the allergies. Thirty seconds later, they served us a gift from the kitchen in which the primary ingredient my wife was allergic to. It could have been a serious situation if we didn’t catch it. It wasn’t malicious, but it was completely oblivious, and they never even knew they did it. My wife didn’t want to make a scene, and I had to eat both of them. Let me tell you, this was epically bad. It was the kind of dish you get kicked off reality TV cooking shows for making, and then the remaining contestants talk about how bad it was for the rest of the season.

The rest of the food we had at Reid’s was okay. The real problem was a lack of options. The Michelin-star restaurant isn’t open every night and only serves a set menu that has too much food. We weren’t returning to the Italian restaurant after that experience, so we were left with the gastrobar. The gastrobar was just the pool menu moved upstairs for dinner with sandwiches and salads. So there wasn’t a casual dinner option. We ate at Cliff’s Bay and thought the food was much better.

Target Clientele

Even if the service was great, I don’t think this hotel was for us. The sizzle reel in the marketing shows young affluence twenty-somethings diving into the water or doing a spin class from the veranda. I could count on one hand the number of people under sixty-five here. Do you like sitting? Sitting by the pools? Sitting on the veranda? Sitting in the hallways? This place is for you. There are a million places to sit. It’s hard to describe, but this place has a distinct lack of fun. The pianist played bland, nondescript music that you might know in a dream. The gastrobar played vaguely tropical music often used on the hold line to your cable company. There was a bridge room with two board games that no one used and smelled too musty to stay in for long. We weren’t expecting a party by any means, and it’s fine to target nostalgia and an older demographic. But that isn’t what is shown in the marketing, and having been there, we learned this place wasn’t catering to our age group.

Some other things we noticed were incorrect signage in a difficult-to-navigate property. Some floors were incorrectly identified, while others referred to features long since paved over. There were dead cockroaches in the hallway, calling into question the general cleanliness of the hotel.

All this being said, this is an iconic historic hotel with a fabulous staff-to-guest ratio. Some of the vistas here are downright gorgeous and completely unique. Many of the staff members were trying, and a few even seemed genuine in their care. The spa staff was very nice to us. (Pro-tip: don’t prop the door of the changing rooms open so people can see you naked from the hallway.) The breakfast service and spread were truly lovely. The quality of the bedding and sheets was excellent.

I wish we had a better experience here. I know some people do. Some of this seems like nitpicking. However, at the time of booking, it was the single most expensive hotel on the island, so it needs to be worth it. Management often comments on disappointing reviews that they look forward to welcoming you back next time. Unfortunately, not only would I not stay here again, but the treatment was so off-putting that I wouldn’t stay at any Belmond property either. Hopefully, other guests have a better time.